The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
