A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
