i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
