DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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