I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
is that a dick in a sweater?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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