I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
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He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
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i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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