You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
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