just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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