Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
