Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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