Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
