How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
