I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
