Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
