the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It's shark week go big or go home
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
