just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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