She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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