I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
