when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
