conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
