can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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