how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
