sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize