im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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