If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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