After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
