Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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