Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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