We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
