But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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