People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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