hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize