It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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