Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He is an equal opportunity slut.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
