I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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