kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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