he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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