Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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