also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize