im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Don't tell me you're on acid again
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
