i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
