did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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