woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
