i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
