I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
