lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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