didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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