I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
