Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
