it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
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was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He did a backflip because drugs
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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