I'm so fucking centered right now
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
