i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
