Im at strip club and am horny
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
