Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
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I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
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Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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