Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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