You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
