he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
