Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
