we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
