At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
