It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
