It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
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Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
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I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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