Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
