please come you make the beer taste better
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
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He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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