i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
