she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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