I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
