Her vagina should come with caution tape.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
