He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
