Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
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