Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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