Your face is a jimmy john
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
