Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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