so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
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In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
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I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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