Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She needs sedatives and a leash
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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