Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
he was CRYING into my vagina
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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