Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
