Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
